between the sheets - part two

She seemed so small and vulnerable, somehow lost as if the mattress would swallow her any minute. I came closer and covered her with the blanket that had been thrown on the floor. I thought that was a decent thing to do, even though I could have looked at her like that for hours. All of a sudden she turned to face me and started shouting.
“Leave me alone!”
At once I was startled and embarrassed by penetrating her privacy like that. I stepped back and tried to defend myself.
“I saw this guy storming out of your house. He left the front door wide open. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay.” I hadn’t really seen him leave this house but I was sure that that was the only logical explanation for all this.
“Well, I am. So get the fuck out of here and leave me alone!”
She had sat up and her beautiful blue eyes were gripping my gaze and staring at me crazily. The blanket I had so carefully covered her with had slipped down leaving her bare breasts pointing at me. I was confused. Her skin was shining like polished silver, her whole body seemed tense, yet fragile. Before I could even digest what she had just said and maybe think of a reaction, she continued to scream at me furiously.
“I don’t need you. I don’t need him. I don’t need anybody. I can take care of myself just fine. I don’t need anyone.”
She sounded like a little child, like a wounded kitten, full of spite and anger.
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Her fury had turned into heart-breaking sobs. She threw herself back on the bed and I just stood there left with the unbearable burden of silence and an uneasy feeling in my stomach that had nothing to do with its non-existing contents. I didn’t know what to do, how to get out of this mess. Finally I decided it would be better to just leave and never come near her or this house again. I timidly whispered something like “I’m sorry” feeling even more guilty that I couldn’t think of any more original words of comfort or apology.
As I turned around I suddenly felt her hand clutching my arm.
“No, don’t go. Please! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please, don’t go!”
Her eyes were red and begging for me to stay. Her voice was trembling. She meant it. She needed me then and a wave of exhilaration swept over me that made my body go numb for a second. I sat down trying to hide my excitement under an understanding smile. Her grip had loosened, and so had the expression on her face. She was exhausted and feeling uncomfortable at the same time. I could sense that because I felt the same strange combination of nervosity and embarrassment. I tried to imagine what I would want if I was lying there but we didn’t know each other, so I could hardly take her in my arms and hold her.
I was thirsty. The salt of the cashews had dried out the inside of my mouth, so I thought it would be a good idea to get some water from the kitchen downstairs.
“Let me get some water for you –“ Of course I always thought of other people first.
“No, no! Stay with me, don’t leave me!”
“I’m not leaving. I just wanted to get some water-“
“No. Don’t! Can’t you just lie down beside me. I just want to feel someone next to me.”
She pulled me down on the bed and curled up again still holding on to my hand, which made it kind of difficult to gracefully lie down next to her. Instead I had to wrench my body to eventually be able to embrace her from behind. I was sweating.
She had the bitter-sweet odour of someone who had once again been disappointed; whose expectations had once again been too high; whose plans for a happy life had once again failed. I knew all about it, and it would happen again and again and again. And it would get worse and worse and worse because you’d always think this was your last chance.
She was pressing my hand against her belly. I could feel her rhythm of breathing and adjusted mine to it. It felt strange to be there in this situation but it was somehow harmonious.