between sex and desperation

this is a short passage of something i wrote quite a while ago as part of a bigger project. i just found it and thought you girls might like it...

"Suddenly something caught her attention and made her sit up straight at the edge of the bed. Her body seemed tense, yet she didn’t move. My senses were alert and I tried to see what Luca had seen but there was nothing, not even a fly or a spider or other frighteningly fascinating things. She just sat there with her back turned to me. I wondered if that was a subtle sign for me to leave her alone. I wanted to touch the little freckles on her back, draw my longing on her body, hold her tight and lick the salty dampness off her skin, every inch of it. I wanted to take her in my mouth, bury my face in her erection, play with her swollen flesh, suck and lick and fuck her, make her shiver and watch her come, wait for that moment when she almost smiled in surprise and made that little timid sound that marked the peak of her orgasm, and then after a little while release her and lick her juice off my fingers, and finally collapse at her side.
I didn’t dare to. My head was foggy, my body numb with the image of that ideal moment.
Cigarette. I needed a cigarette.
I swung my feet out of the bed onto the floor and searched the room for my jacket. I was contemplating having a cold shower because my thighs were still burning with the anticipation of an orgasm.
“What are you doing? Where are you going?”
“I need a smoke,” I mumbled to the stack of clothes over Luca’s swivel chair in front of her desk, intently inspecting my immediate surroundings, as if the mental picture of my jacket inside my head was going to make it materialise.
“But I’m not finished with you,” she paused, “yet.”
I turned around in disbelief. Only now did I notice the tears in her eyes. I was puzzled; normally it took a few hours before she got out of the mother-mood but it had only been a few minutes, and now she looked at me seductively with a big grin spreading from one cheek to the other, a solitary tear circumnavigating the left corner of her mouth.
Only she could be sad and horny at the same time. Unpredictable, irresistible.
The seconds passed, our eyes welded together. I licked my lower lip and smiled like Bogey in his best films, slowly walking towards her. My body was drawn to her selfish perfection.
Her upper body was now propped up on her elbows, her head slightly tilted. She looked at me out of the corner of her eyes. I hesitated for a moment. She had pushed all the right buttons but did I really want to give in so easily? Shouldn’t I walk away from her this once and make her want me like I wanted her? There were a million questions buzzing through my head, a million questions and no answers. Only one choice.
She hadn’t moved, the expression on her face was exactly the same. I decided that it wasn’t a good time right now to throw a tantrum about my pride that I had thrown overboard for her a long time ago. The lower part of my body agreed enthusiastically and quickly made its way to the bed before I could change my mind.
“I’m all yours,” I whispered into her ear, not realising how much truth those words contained."