between the sheets - part two

She seemed so small and vulnerable, somehow lost as if the mattress would swallow her any minute. I came closer and covered her with the blanket that had been thrown on the floor. I thought that was a decent thing to do, even though I could have looked at her like that for hours. All of a sudden she turned to face me and started shouting.
“Leave me alone!”
At once I was startled and embarrassed by penetrating her privacy like that. I stepped back and tried to defend myself.
“I saw this guy storming out of your house. He left the front door wide open. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay.” I hadn’t really seen him leave this house but I was sure that that was the only logical explanation for all this.
“Well, I am. So get the fuck out of here and leave me alone!”
She had sat up and her beautiful blue eyes were gripping my gaze and staring at me crazily. The blanket I had so carefully covered her with had slipped down leaving her bare breasts pointing at me. I was confused. Her skin was shining like polished silver, her whole body seemed tense, yet fragile. Before I could even digest what she had just said and maybe think of a reaction, she continued to scream at me furiously.
“I don’t need you. I don’t need him. I don’t need anybody. I can take care of myself just fine. I don’t need anyone.”
She sounded like a little child, like a wounded kitten, full of spite and anger.
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Her fury had turned into heart-breaking sobs. She threw herself back on the bed and I just stood there left with the unbearable burden of silence and an uneasy feeling in my stomach that had nothing to do with its non-existing contents. I didn’t know what to do, how to get out of this mess. Finally I decided it would be better to just leave and never come near her or this house again. I timidly whispered something like “I’m sorry” feeling even more guilty that I couldn’t think of any more original words of comfort or apology.
As I turned around I suddenly felt her hand clutching my arm.
“No, don’t go. Please! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please, don’t go!”
Her eyes were red and begging for me to stay. Her voice was trembling. She meant it. She needed me then and a wave of exhilaration swept over me that made my body go numb for a second. I sat down trying to hide my excitement under an understanding smile. Her grip had loosened, and so had the expression on her face. She was exhausted and feeling uncomfortable at the same time. I could sense that because I felt the same strange combination of nervosity and embarrassment. I tried to imagine what I would want if I was lying there but we didn’t know each other, so I could hardly take her in my arms and hold her.
I was thirsty. The salt of the cashews had dried out the inside of my mouth, so I thought it would be a good idea to get some water from the kitchen downstairs.
“Let me get some water for you –“ Of course I always thought of other people first.
“No, no! Stay with me, don’t leave me!”
“I’m not leaving. I just wanted to get some water-“
“No. Don’t! Can’t you just lie down beside me. I just want to feel someone next to me.”
She pulled me down on the bed and curled up again still holding on to my hand, which made it kind of difficult to gracefully lie down next to her. Instead I had to wrench my body to eventually be able to embrace her from behind. I was sweating.
She had the bitter-sweet odour of someone who had once again been disappointed; whose expectations had once again been too high; whose plans for a happy life had once again failed. I knew all about it, and it would happen again and again and again. And it would get worse and worse and worse because you’d always think this was your last chance.
She was pressing my hand against her belly. I could feel her rhythm of breathing and adjusted mine to it. It felt strange to be there in this situation but it was somehow harmonious.

between the sheets - part one

The evening sun was bouncing off the old terrace houses that lined either side of the street and had recently been renovated and painted in a luscious yellow. It was a beautiful day as I walked down Smith Street while making mental notes of what I needed to get at the supermarket. I was starving; lunch had been a medium skinny latte, a bruised banana and a few rollies, quite a few. Hmmm, I also needed more tobacco!
The image of a huge plate of salad was forming in my head, with lots of tomato, sweet corn, avocado and a small can of spicy onion tuna, when a guy in a dark suit with his tie undone knocked me aside rather abruptly. He was almost running as if the Collingwood Mafia had put a reward on his head. If I hadn’t been so startled and feeling dizzy with an empty stomach I would have shouted something after him. I decided, however, I wouldn’t let anyone spoil my mood today because I had reason enough to be happy and content and proud of myself. I had left it to the last minute as usual but I had managed to hand in all my work on time, which meant that my semester was officially over. I put my smile back on, turned around again and let myself drift back into food hunter mode. I stumbled on towards the food source but then my eye caught sight of a red towel lying on the sidewalk. I looked around and saw that the front door of one of the cute little terrace houses was wide open. I didn’t know what to do, so I just picked up the towel, hung it on a tree branch and obeyed the demands of my tummy to go and get some food.
When I finally entered Safeway I headed straight to the fruit&veggie corner where they also had boxes full of different nuts that always eased my hunger when I went shopping. I just had to make sure that none of the security guards could see me before I got a handful of salted cashew nuts to stuff them into the hungry depth of my gullet. Much better, I thought and went down to shopping business.
While I pondered the aisles picking out yogurt and tuna and milk and ground coffee, my mind wouldn’t stop wondering what this whole scene on the street just before had been about. The man, the towel, the open door… Curiosity was one of my weaknesses, a constant source of trouble when I was a kid, so I quickened my pace and made my way to the nearest check out point, leaving a few things behind that I could get the day after.
I snatched the towel from the little tree, surprised that it was still there, and investigated if the front door of the next house was still open. And surely enough it was. I looked around once again and eventually scraped together enough courage to go inside.
I carefully placed each step, knocked on the door frame a couple of times and tentatively called out if anyone was there. If there had been they wouldn’t have heard me but I was too afraid I might actually get an answer.
The house was very tidy and nicely furnished with light coloured wooden desks and cupboards and tables and chairs. I felt like a burglar sneaking around like that but it was exhilarating to be in someone else’s house. If the police came I could always tell them about that man and the open front door. I was sure that was enough reason to be worried and check if everything was all right. Yes.
I recorded little details in my head as if I was preparing to testify as a witness in a murder case. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea after all. What if it actually was a murder scene I had entered. I didn’t want to be the one who found the mutilated corpse of some unlucky creature. That thought made me turn on my heel, when I heard a faint sound of someone sobbing. It must have come from upstairs. My first impulse was to go up there, the second was to run and the last left me all confused. I climbed the stairs anyway having been beaten by my all-encompassing desire to know what was going on.
By the time I had reached the last step my heart was pounding like the engine of a semi-trailer. Maybe I should exercise more. Maybe not.
I took a few deep breaths and continued down the aisle towards the sounds I had heard downstairs, concentrating on every sound and movement. The door of the room was open so I could see her straight away. Naked and curled up like a foetus, she laid on a huge king size bed, forlorn and entangled by the bed sheets. She seemed so small and vulnerable, somehow lost as if the mattress would swallow her any minute.

to be continued...